Hello, My Old Friend...

A Look Into The Dark Spot On My Bright Life

I write this post apprehensively. This is a deeply personal part of my life, and I struggle with the idea of sharing it so broadly, but it’s something I feel compelled to write.

Since 2011, I’ve been dealing with a neurological illness called Kleine-Levin Syndrome. No, you probably haven’t heard of it, and you likely don’t know anyone else who has it either. It’s a disorder that sends me into episodes of extreme sleep and disorientation for weeks at a time. During episodes, I’m not in my normal state. I sleep 18 to 20 hours a day. I eat two to three times more than I normally would. I experience derealization when I am awake. And there’s a lot going on in my head that I’d rather not go into here, though I’ve written extensively about it over the years.

I’m just coming out of an episode now. I’ve been in one since around January 7, 2026. All those symptoms mentioned above have been my life until today. Thank god it’s over. It’s my first one in about 18 months, give or take.

Online, I don’t come across as very different. I post like I usually do on X, maybe a little more manic. But if you saw me in person, I’d look completely vacant. Like the lights are on but no one is home.

Below you can see a selfie, one of me in an episode and one of me coming out of it. This was taken during a prior episode several years ago. The difference is small but also quite stark.

Left (In episode) <> Right (Out of episode) --> taken several episodes ago in 2018

KLS has been a dominant part of my life. I’ve had 32 episodes over the last 15 years, ranging from one week long to two months long. The episodes run like clockwork. Each one is nearly identical. I can predict what will happen almost to a T, but I can’t make them happen any faster. I just wait for it to run its course, usually over approximately two weeks, give or take. During that time, life passes me by as I sit in a dormant state of mind.

I’ve gone back and forth on how public I want to be about this struggle. To my knowledge, this isn’t something I deal with between episodes. It doesn’t impact me in any meaningful way until I’m in one. Then it changes everything for me and for my family until I’m back to myself, like I feel now. Usually, I feel some short-term trauma and feel bad for myself for a day or two before I snap out of it and get back to life. This is that window, and like I mentioned above, I feel like sharing.

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A few thoughts coming out of this episode…

Thank God for My Wife

First, I’m incredibly grateful for my wife, who has been with me through this since we were dating and now married for eight total years. When I go into an episode, the only person it’s harder on than me is her. She temporarily loses her partner for a couple of weeks, and I know there’s nothing I can do to help her other than get better, which unfortunately isn’t on my own timeline. I’m lucky to have her as my life partner, and grateful that she’s developed her own tools to manage emotionally when these things happen.

I’ll Never Know What Never Was

Second, I’ll never really know how having 32 episodes over 15 years has impacted my life. I only know the life in front of me, the one I’m able to see. I’ll never know what opportunities may have been lost because someone misread me, didn’t understand what was happening, or couldn’t comprehend the weight of a situation.

Well over a year of my life has been spent in an episode, which is crazy to say. I will never know what happened or didn’t happen because of it, but that’s life. I do attribute me still being in Arizona to KLS, but because of that, I met my wife. So worth it.

How Public Do I Want to Be About This?

When I was younger, I made KLS part of my identity. It was how I coped. I had a brand called My Life With KLS. I made YouTube videos and blogged about it. I needed to do that to get through that phase of my life, which was around junior year of college. This was a very dark time in my life. I decided to create some light. Here is a video of me talking about how to be mentally strong dealing with KLS, recorded 10 years ago.

Today, especially as a tech person, it’s much less a part of my identity, mainly because it’s a very dark thing. I don’t expect people to understand it, and honestly, it can make people try to relate in ways that don’t really work. It’s something my family and I deal with privately, and I’ve come to value keeping it that way. The only time I break that rule is when I’m in an episode or just coming out of one. That’s usually the only time I talk about it. Like now.

At the same time, I think there’s real value in showing what it looks like for a generally normal, functioning person, with some success, to live with something completely outside their control. This thing I live with in my head is very hard on me. It’s hard on the people around me, but only when it comes up, usually about once a year. It used to be far more frequent, when it was much harder. Thank God we got through that.

32 times, I’ve been living my life, and then suddenly it forces me to say goodbye to whatever I had planned for the next few weeks. It’s been demanding. Maybe it’s made me stronger.

Does It Give Me Creativity Superpowers?

Lastly, I feel inherently more creative during episodes. My brain feels like it’s overflowing with ideas and possibilities. I don’t know if that’s because I spend so much time alone in my own head, or if it’s something neurological tied to the episode itself. What I do know is that I came out of this one with some very specific ideas around Mat Capital / MatCap that I’ll likely pursue, and it’s unclear whether I would have arrived at them if this episode hadn’t happened.

The ideas center around going back to my roots in what I want to build next. I think the time I was most professionally happy was as a kid or young adult. Youth group. Summer camp. College clubs. Fraternities. Community. People. Relationships.

I think I got a bit away from that in my tech startup pursuit, and I’ve suffered the consequences in loneliness. I don’t think I’m alone in that in 2026. The orientation toward helping people get funded is still what I’m going to do, but the form factor is going to look a lot more like my high school/college/post grad community years than a piece of software. I miss that community. I miss that fraternal bond. Maybe we need to go back there to get where I want to go. Anyway, that’s what my episode told me, at least.

Back To Work…

I haven’t really worked FT since the holidays. I haven’t fully kicked off the year yet. I’ll probably get back into it tomorrow. For everyone who’s been waiting on me for things, I’m sorry, but now you know why. Thanks for reading. Share with a friend, or don’t. I don’t know how this post will be perceived, but if you’re reading it, I’d love to know what you thought.